tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9313009.post8901870651512932310..comments2024-03-01T21:01:15.174-06:00Comments on Biblical Christianity: For Singles OnlyDJPhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16471042180904855578noreply@blogger.comBlogger59125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9313009.post-36141863689538618922011-10-25T11:11:55.753-05:002011-10-25T11:11:55.753-05:00I think one of the more important things to realiz...I think one of the more important things to realize is that "singleness" is extremely diverse. The issues faced by never married 20-somethings are different than those of "single again" 40 or 50-somethings, and then there are the never married 40 or 50-somethings, which face yet another set of issues. <br /><br />In the intro to Biblical Manhood and Womanhood (I think), John Piper quotes a woman who said something to the effect that the effects of singleness are cumulative. Just because you were a single 20-something before you married, don't assume that you understand the singleness of the never married 50-something!<br /><br />My church is large and has singles programs, but I always preferred to integrate. I felt that if I was going to remain single for life, I didn't want my whole life defined by my singleness.Lizhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06952638674771976665noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9313009.post-24372423151022239902011-10-21T14:04:23.268-05:002011-10-21T14:04:23.268-05:00Wow. I am late to this conversation, as I have bee...Wow. I am late to this conversation, as I have been at a weather weenie conference. HST, Mizz Harpy:<br /><br />"Doesn't everyone need to grow in His grace daily? How else do singles who grew up in a Christless environment learn about marriage if they aren't welcome to fellowship with married couples who demonstrate Christian marriage? How do people coming from broken homes ever learn what a Christian family looks like if they are sequestered from families?"<br /><br />WOW. As a meteorologist, I am with you, sister. I am right there with you. I'm comforted to hear that I am not alone in this struggle. Indeed, the problems you and I face are huge. Single, Christian, scientist, and many married people shun us as the third man out, or are judgmental. It hurts. It really does. While I'm not going to throw a pity party here, because, of course, we are in Christ, it makes things harder, no question. The struggles we face are silent, painful, depressing and seemingly overwhelming in our current culture. We see others so seemingly joyous in their marriages, and we cannot share in that because the door is closed. I pray that, even so, the Lord would reign in both of us, and that we would be reminded that Christ died for us, and he warned us it would be hard. Harder for us in some ways, but we just need to learn to be faithful, and know His ways trumps our loneliness and frustrations. It won't be much longer before that won't be an issue ever again. In the meantime, continue to share the Gospel with as many as you can, and watch to see when God opens up a relationship (married couple, or someone special) in your life. I'm praying hard, and my prayer is that you'll have that opportunity.Gilberthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05267525662313103148noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9313009.post-11435360324680723882011-10-20T11:39:06.609-05:002011-10-20T11:39:06.609-05:00I appreciate the invitation to comment. The first ...I appreciate the invitation to comment. The first commenter, Barbara, expressed some of my frustrations with being single again. My husband and best friend was killed when I was fairly young--37. I thought I'd be married again in a few years. But now I'm 51, and I've raised 4 children by myself.<br />Let me tell you: the church WILL NOT help you. You must make all those decisions yourself, and take up the slack for all those things that there is no partner to do...you will find yourself spread too thin many, many times.<br />I have to believe that God, should His good providence for me be that I should never marry again, will restore all in my eternal future with Him. He never gives bad gifts...so my "gift" of singleness is good, no matter how it feels. Even so, come quickly, Lord.Estherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09698106846102699778noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9313009.post-2365932504355586152011-10-19T17:31:23.258-05:002011-10-19T17:31:23.258-05:00I love Barry Danylak’s book Redeeming Singleness. ...I love Barry Danylak’s book Redeeming Singleness. Helps me keep my head in the game when I’m wrestling with Providence over my being single.<br /><br />Fav quote: “The cosmological horizon of the Christian subsumes the present age into the eternal one. This means that the plans and purposes of the present age are subsumed into the plans and purposes of the anticipated eternal kingdom of God. This is not a denigration of the present world but a radical relativizing of the current age in light of the eternal age, recognizing that one’s true sufficiency and fulfillment will be realized ultimately only in the coming age of the King and the kingdom” (p.208).Angelahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11603049471215544310noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9313009.post-41576724910263744062011-10-19T16:04:26.993-05:002011-10-19T16:04:26.993-05:00It's not unicorns, pink stuff and Beth Moore.....<i>It's not unicorns, pink stuff and Beth Moore...</i><br /><br />WIN<br /><br />Over the years I've heard far more complaints about women's groups from women who want to learn and grow, but get "unicorns, pink stuff and Beth Moore," or the equivalent. Pity.DJPhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16471042180904855578noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9313009.post-66214677108851091702011-10-19T16:00:55.104-05:002011-10-19T16:00:55.104-05:00Wow what an interesting post. I am 44, never marri...Wow what an interesting post. I am 44, never married and it's been an interesting journey. Before I was saved I dated and considered marriage with former boyfriends but nothing ever seemed right. <br /><br />I ended up taking care of my Dad for 10 years when he had Alzheimer's disease throughout my thirties. As an overly concerned Aunt put it "In my good years" eh hem. I kind of waffle back and forth between wishing and praying for a Husband and then I realize it's not all wonderful, and that I am serving God and helping in my Church and enjoying life so much...right now. I think social pressure and just plain lack of stimulating conversation with other Christians is often a problem with me. Our Ladies group at Church is very much into stereotypical "Womens" bible studies. It's not unicorns, pink stuff and Beth Moore but it's not exactly stimulating conversation either, I don't mean to sound theologically snooty but I joined a local reformed Bible college for that reason and it's been a wonderful place to make friends. I think the hardest thing for me is living in such a small town, with a small Church I am really the only single in my age group and sometimes that's just emotionally tough. No matter what <br /><br />I am going to keep persevering and make as many Christian friends as I can, I am blessed with some wonderful friends I met online (Persis is one, love you girl) and that's been so rewarding, I am blessed beyond measure. But I still ain't swing dancing..uh uh, no way. :-)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9313009.post-28462570951757732832011-10-19T14:41:27.035-05:002011-10-19T14:41:27.035-05:00On point of factual clarification I may not have b...On point of factual clarification I may not have been clear on (I'm such an engineer when it comes to me being precise in what I lay out in words on the internet):<br /><br />Andy, I never meant to insinuate that I haven't found Christian girls in my local swing dancing scene. Met quite a few actually (a handful of whom are also Calvinists), but genuine Christian girls in the scene is still something more of an exception than the general rule out here, unfortunately.Sir Brasshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01893578064434019702noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9313009.post-51847601501794452842011-10-19T11:10:22.156-05:002011-10-19T11:10:22.156-05:00Well, I'm not exactly silent (extremely extrov...Well, I'm not exactly silent (extremely extroverted... except when I am put in a kind of awkward situation, then it's sporadically silent or chatty... or better put: nervous and uncomfortable), but yup I'm loyal and committed.Sir Brasshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01893578064434019702noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9313009.post-82043870615749281302011-10-19T10:06:55.827-05:002011-10-19T10:06:55.827-05:00Sir Brass, I am still cracking up at your engineer...Sir Brass, I am still cracking up at your engineer joke :-D It's so true...my husband is an engineer and so are most of his friends ("friends" meaning people he emails periodically...) You are right about the engineering field being male-dominated. I think if not for our acquaintances setting us up and me being <i>slightly</i> more extroverted, my husband would probably still be single. If I may put in a plug for Sir Brass and the other strong, silent types...engineers may struggle socially, but they make reliable, loyal, committed husbands. And they don't face much temptation at work since they mostly work with other men ;-)SolaMommyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07569633683299802644noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9313009.post-2077416324049643212011-10-19T06:43:25.147-05:002011-10-19T06:43:25.147-05:00I'm not single, but as I was reading the comme...I'm not single, but as I was reading the comments regarding being a Christian scientist, something came to mind. There are Christian groups that work in the realm of science...have y'all looked into any of that? You probably have, but just wanted to ask. Answers in Genesis and The Institute for Creation Research are a couple that come to mind...mainly because my oldest son loves science and right now he wants to work for a group like that when he grows up. I certainly hope that doesn't hinder him in meeting a Christian lady to court (if he wants to).Roberthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13987985549747283669noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9313009.post-61635111318438516012011-10-18T23:56:10.672-05:002011-10-18T23:56:10.672-05:00Well, shucks, just reading this now before I go in...Well, shucks, just reading this now before I go into my try to sleep routine because I'm an insomniac. Can't spend to much time, I'll be brief.<br /><br />What has really helped me is my service in my local church. I have a huge church family that I'm very thankful to God for and I think that has been an important means of grace for me. I certainly don't have the gift of celibacy and hope to be married some day and am kinda interested in one person, but this person's life is pretty complicated by their own admission. But we'll see.CRhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01912897040503058967noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9313009.post-62323415210239601892011-10-18T21:14:03.484-05:002011-10-18T21:14:03.484-05:00For some reason, in reading Mitchkill's respon...For some reason, in reading Mitchkill's responses on theological differences, I suddenly have that song "I think my wife's a Calvinist" stuck in my head. (it's on Youtube)<br /><br />Thanks. Now I'll never get to sleep. ;)Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16604068110452745043noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9313009.post-69235796794363604032011-10-18T21:12:06.985-05:002011-10-18T21:12:06.985-05:00Andy, I would but I bleed a bit too much red, whit...Andy, I would but I bleed a bit too much red, white, and blue :P (plus y'all driving on that whole wrong side of the road business... I call it stockholm syndrome :P)Sir Brasshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01893578064434019702noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9313009.post-76319640285383855472011-10-18T21:11:43.366-05:002011-10-18T21:11:43.366-05:00This made me LOL:
"Indeed, there are older C...This made me LOL:<br /><br />"Indeed, there are older Christian singles out there. I've met a number of never-married Christian women in their thirties and forties."<br /><br />You'll meet more singles that are older. I'm a never-married 58 y/o. My chance of getting hit by a meteor is greater than marrying as my age group is all married. <br /><br />There's some single men my age, either widowers who aren't interested or newer to the faith and divorced. And sometimes I can see why they're divoced (prior to conversion). <br /><br />Is it a "gift"? As a gray-hair, I don't look at it like that, it's just what it is and I don't fret over my lifelong singleness. If I was much younger, I don't think I'd look at it as a gift either. <br /><br />Prov. 31 is hard words when you can't strive to do it though. But I can make a nice house and offer hospitality at any opportunity. So maybe my singleness is indeed a gift to better serve others.<br /><br />BTW, I much prefer the word "courting" over "dating". I'm old school. :)Sonjahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12400678595605810974noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9313009.post-83376496970986784002011-10-18T21:04:55.756-05:002011-10-18T21:04:55.756-05:00@neurotransmitter, it's not all doom and gloom...@neurotransmitter, it's not all doom and gloom for medical students getting married although it is difficult. I knew three couples, two at my church in Texas, that met in med school and married after they graduated just before starting their residency. There are enough couples that there is actually a couples match service that tries to get them into at least the same city for their residency. <br /><br />This spells it out:<br />http://www.nrmp.org/res_match/special_part/ind_app/couples.html<br /><br />Not that you're there yet but just so you know.Mizz Harpyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18220764076008867988noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9313009.post-18102188781649463532011-10-18T20:45:23.200-05:002011-10-18T20:45:23.200-05:00SirBrass: come to Australia, there's heaps of ...SirBrass: come to Australia, there's heaps of Christians in the Swing scene over here! There's 6 swing dancers (including me) in my church alone!<br /><br />And as a fledgling swing dancer myself, I couldn't agree more. It's done wonders for my confidence, ability to lead (and listen!), and just interaction with women in general :D<br /><br />For everybody else, <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LAAAV7BB1HU" rel="nofollow">this is what you're missing out on:</a>Andyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16510845308881936100noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9313009.post-57169127964934578022011-10-18T20:16:55.103-05:002011-10-18T20:16:55.103-05:00Well the reason I put it that way is that I'm ...Well the reason I put it that way is that I'm pretty sure that there are plenty of folks who, even if they aren't calvinists, would believe in their heart of hearts that Jesus' sacrifice did actually accomplish redemption... it's just that their soteriology doesn't then follow from that point of their Christology (it's Christology in that it is about Christ's work as propitiatory sacrifice).<br /><br />However, if she takes offense with my stance (the biblical stance) that Christ saves sinners, insisting that Christ only tried and actually fails at times, to save sinners, then sorry sister....Sir Brasshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01893578064434019702noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9313009.post-51047457034817131372011-10-18T20:02:48.710-05:002011-10-18T20:02:48.710-05:00Sir Brass,
Ah, ok, I looked back through and see t...Sir Brass,<br />Ah, ok, I looked back through and see the "at least not anti-Calvinist" criteria you posted earlier. I read that earlier today, but I hadn't put the two posts together. Sorry about that! <br /><br />You had said in the post I was responding to: "The God who sent Christ to "Die for the opportunity," isn't the God who sent Christ to perfectly atone for me. I want the woman I marry to worship the same God I do, not just think He has the same name."<br /><br />That kind of language I've seen used by those who have no patience toward those who are still working on theological precision. <br /><br />Again, I apologize for my misunderstanding.MitchKillhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14924253818444998120noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9313009.post-47860997327358483032011-10-18T20:00:26.954-05:002011-10-18T20:00:26.954-05:00Dave, you know what has helped me a little?
Danci...Dave, you know what has helped me a little?<br /><br />Dancing.<br /><br />No joke. Swing dancing (which is also the location-context behind my profile photo... taken at a new swing venue in town on its grand opening night). The lead/follow of a good social pair (where the lead must lead and give direction, and the follow needs to follow but not merely turn her brain off) is a small microcosm of relationships.<br /><br />For example, I'm a good dancer. Not great, not a pro (despite the opinion of a few follows who are really new and think I'm the bees knees... they'll get over it), but good. I know what I'm about on the floor. But sometimes I am dancing with a girl who obviously doesn't either follow well or doesn't know Lindy Hop (THE swing step... the evolution of Charleston, and the predecessor of the more simple but less fun East Coast), and I have to lead accordingly. True, she needs to follow me, but if she isn't able to follow what I lead due to her lack of experience, then it just doesn't work. And because the dance is about the two dancing as one as lead and follow, I'd be a royal jerk to yank her around the floor forcing her to stumble through moves she didn't know were being lead and generally making her feel like an incompetent idiot while showing off. Yeah.... not cool. Instead, I still clearly lead, but keep things to a pace and with a degree of obviousness that she can follow and generally enjoy herself.<br /><br />OR, I'm paired with a girl who is a much better follow than I am a lead. It's a really good thing when this happens because a) it exposes for me where I may have stepped into bad habits with expecting the follow to know to do something when I wasn't clearly leading it, and b) she listens and knows how to support me in her role as follow (really get that critical connection that when good makes lindy hop swing outs look oh-so blasted cool).<br /><br />Sound like a bit like relationships? There's give and take and thinking about the other person as much as you are about where you're going with the dance. The follow has to follow and resist the temptation to back-lead (a good reason why when you're starting out to dance constantly with people better than you... they're less apt to let you slip into bad habits by simply being good dance partners), but also pay attention and support the lead. It's very much a balancing act that is as much practiced coordination as understanding about interpersonal relations acted out for about 3-4 minutes on the dance floor.<br /><br />Its also helped a little with being tongue-tied around a pretty girl who I've never met before. Used to feel REALLY socially awkward and was too reserved around girls I didn't know. Now I have no trouble asking a total stranger at a swing dance if she's like to dance. it's friendly and social without intimations of romantic relationships (unless you communicate it, which is both easy to do but also easy to avoid doing), but gets you out and interacting with the opposite sex in a public group setting. The only problem I've had is finding Christians there.Sir Brasshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01893578064434019702noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9313009.post-48008342150174908742011-10-18T19:43:14.580-05:002011-10-18T19:43:14.580-05:00Dan/Sir Brass,
Thanks for your responses! You'...Dan/Sir Brass,<br /><br />Thanks for your responses! You've given me some good food for thought/prayer. Dan, I'm planning to do some online shopping soon so I'll pick up your Proverbs book while I'm at it. Sir, your military analogy is very helpful indeed. I have no doubt that situations such as you describe are very common in both the military and the home. It stands to reason that there <i>must</i> be a way to lead over those who are smarter or more experienced than you.<br /><br />As a lifelong single and IT technician, I've largely just taken charge of my own personal affairs my whole life. I've done OK with the rare occasions when I've been called upon to take charge of other people, but those occasions are exceptions to my typical life pattern. You've gotten me to thinking that I could definitely stand to bone up on what the Bible teaches about leadership and submission. This is one of the things I most certainly didn't learn as a charismatic, but better late than never!!!<br /><br />Davetheinscrutableonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00918928202965884076noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9313009.post-37867347967827462842011-10-18T19:40:34.587-05:002011-10-18T19:40:34.587-05:00Mitch, I think I expressed multiple times that I&#...Mitch, I think I expressed multiple times that I'm NOT expecting theological perfection. I thought I made that painfully clear and was actually a little worried about over-stating my case. I see I was mistaken. I expect a degree of theological like-mindedness beyond simple heartfelt profession of Christ as Kurios, but not theological perfection. Whenever I express a desire for a girl to be at least friendly towards the Reformed position I get warned against "expecting theological perfection," and I'm getting the sense that "You people protest too much."<br /><br />Andy wrote, "The worst part is the female then assuming that you can become close friends immediately - she gets what she wants out of the relationship (emotional intimacy) without wanting to give some commitment back."<br /><br />Yeah, I haven't had that happen to me... well, except once and she had me really confused to the point of me having to tell her, in essence, "I know you don't mean to be doing this, but you're really confusing the dickens out of me. You're sending me all the signals that tell me you're interested, but push away when I respond. I like you, I really do, but it has to be one way or the other." She backed off, and we're still friends today (she just got married about a year ago to a good friend and brother in Christ). But that's the ONLY time I've been Jeffed with the girl then wanting some sort of intimate emotional thing anyway without the relationship.Sir Brasshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01893578064434019702noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9313009.post-42175061601154136982011-10-18T19:01:55.695-05:002011-10-18T19:01:55.695-05:00Dave, in the Boy Scouts, I was told more than once...Dave, in the Boy Scouts, I was told more than once by my scout leaders: "If you are going to lead, you must first learn how to follow." Being a good spiritual leader if the kind of situation you present will require you to take charge, but listen.<br /><br />In the military, every green-as-grass 2nd Lt. that is worth his salt listens to his platoon sergeant, even though that Sgt. is subordinated to the Lt. The new, inexperienced leader learns to lead by leading and by listening to the humbly-submitted advice that experienced Sgt. gives. Now, of course the home isn't like the military, but in terms of submission, the leadership principles are the same.<br /><br />I don't speak from personal experience, but I do speak from observational and intellectually-instructed experience (there are fine role models of biblical men at my church for me to learn from).Sir Brasshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01893578064434019702noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9313009.post-6826154398011088092011-10-18T19:00:04.042-05:002011-10-18T19:00:04.042-05:00Sir Brass,
Just a quick comment regarding your des...Sir Brass,<br />Just a quick comment regarding your desire for a girl with the same theological convictions as you have: I'd caution against expecting theological perfection. I say this as someone who was a Christian long before I came to hold to the doctrine of grace. <br /><br />Many folks have not had the same exposure as others to these teachings, and it takes a little time for them to understand and embrace them. For me, if a woman has a heart for God and loves the Scriptures, then we can work on these other things. Who knows? Maybe you're the one to help her see what God teaches in His Word about election and grace.MitchKillhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14924253818444998120noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9313009.post-68601269050498449522011-10-18T18:42:27.029-05:002011-10-18T18:42:27.029-05:00That in itself is no good reason to hold back, Dav...That in itself is no good reason to hold back, Dave.<br /><br />Seriously, if you haven't, I'd urge you to get and study <a href="http://www.kressbiblical.com/products/god%27s-wisdom-in-proverbs.html" rel="nofollow">that Proverbs study</a>. But just to summarize something developed at greater length, I think I see a fundamental misapprehension at the root of your... well, apprehension. Being a good leader does not mean having all the answers and experience, and being a good follower/submitting does not involve having none. There's a whole lot more to it, and it's lifted out at some length in that book.DJPhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16471042180904855578noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9313009.post-72775068894157002952011-10-18T18:40:35.006-05:002011-10-18T18:40:35.006-05:00Thanks Dan, great post :)
As a 25-yo single guy w...Thanks Dan, great post :)<br /><br />As a 25-yo single guy who's been "Jeffed" more than I'd care to think about, I pretty much agree with everything <a href="http://bibchr.blogspot.com/2011/10/for-singles-only.html?showComment=1318976597369#c513380744940976404" rel="nofollow">Sir Brass</a> had to say...<br /><br />The worst part is the female then assuming that you can become close friends immediately - she gets what she wants out of the relationship (emotional intimacy) without wanting to give some commitment back.<br /><br />I find <a href="http://esv.to/Phili4" rel="nofollow">Philippians 4</a> is a challenging rebuke/exhortation to stay faithful & fruitful even when I'm not in the season of life I want to be in...Andyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17988090365034877239noreply@blogger.com