Sunday, May 25, 2008

Reminder: how the LSM will report the election

In the interests of saving everyone time, so you can spend more time reading the Bible and other profitable and related literature: here's the news for the next 5+ months as the LSM (Lamestream Media) will report it:

NO MATTER WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENS...
  1. The GOP will be depicted as a smoking ruin of hopelessly fractured chaos and misery. Look for words like "rising chorus [with a negative]," "dismay," "trying to," "disheartened," "discouraged," "disappointed," "divided," "defensive," "dwindling," and such.
  2. If the GOP candidate scores any direct hits, words such as "blasted," "attacked," and "lashed out" will be employed. Any Democratic response will be reported with an air of injured, but vastly superior, dignity — as if Junior had simply thrown a tantrum, suffered an embarrassing seizure, or launched a baffling, unwarranted, and vicious attack.
  3. If Obama is the Democratic candidate, it will be hinted that the only possible reason for not supporting him is racism.
  4. If Hillary! is the Democratic candidate, it will be hinted that the only possible reason for not supporting her is misogyny.
  5. Many creative ways will be found to suggest that McCain (of whom, I remind you, I am no great fan) is senile, delusional, and dangerous.
  6. The Democrats will be painted as united, purposeful, calm, in-control, mature, on-the-offense, brilliant, inevitable, and supported by every leader and expert in (and out of) Christendom.
  7. The media, in spite of its boasted resourcefulness, will find itself unable to locate any respected experts to laud any GOP candidate proposals, nor criticize the opposition's specifics nor philosophy; but they will have more experts favoring the opposition than the city dump has rats.
  8. Polls will be created and slanted to show the GOP headed for a huge waterfall.
If Republicans actually win, their success will be cast in suspicious light, the motives (or intelligence) of voters will be impugned — or it will be hinted that the process itself was suspect. It will be lamented that the country clearly has not yet healed itself of racism or misogyny, depending on which candidate the Dems finally anoint.

There. You heard it here, first. Now you have a "time incentive package."

What will you do with it?

UPDATE: oh yes, one more pair:
  1. When the Dem candidate speaks, particularly in criticizing his GOP opponent, the LSM will simply report it, without critical analysis
  2. When the GOP candidate speaks, its reporting will be embedded in analysis, criticism, and mind-reading. ("In an attempt to still criticism, McCain said...."; "Hoping to raise the crushed spirits of his disheartened supporters, McCain lashed out at ___, saying...."; "McCain claimed _____. Twenty-seven Nobel Peace Prize winning scientists/economists/hairdressers issued a blistering analysis which stated ____"; etc.)

11 comments:

Jim Kirby said...

Dan,

Right on! Couldn't say it any better. Thanks.

JDK

Carlo said...

Thanks for the summary Dan. I did cancel my cable for more than one reason so I won't be wasting my time with the biased media, although, I'm disappointed I canceled it before I could watch the Lakers pulverize the Celtics.

Gilbert said...

Carlo,

I just use some TV antennas and use a digital set-top-box tuner and get about 40 stations. Since I've done that, I've saved over $2,400 in cable TV bills and have all I need to watch, including all weather and news channels. $500 went to TV antennas and the tuner, and the rest went to my mortgage company, to pay down principal, and for a cheap but good DSL line at home...

...which I will now utilize to play a good game of PAC-MAN.

Wait! Are eating ghosts using power pills dabbling in the occult? Rats. OK, I'll play a game of "Asteroids".

Wait! Isn't trying to save your spaceship from an asteriod attack obviously started by God causing you to hinder His purpose? Ummm...

OK, I'll read the Bible. Wait! I just went under a flood advisory. Maybe I'll look in Gensis and see if I can find blueprints for the ark! Noah did use Autocad(tm), didn't he?

"I've got...too much (clapclap) time on my hands..." -Styx

Mesa Mike said...

Time incentive package?

Time for what? I'm too busy reading blogs...

Home come the LSM never accuses Hillary of running for Bill's third term? (Don't answer that. It was a rhetorical question.)

Carlo said...

Thanks Gilbert, but attenaes are worth a hill of beans where I live in terms of reception. But I've never heard of a digital set top box. Hmmmm...

Many of the shows you can now watch on the internet for free (you just have to wait a few days) so you really don't need Cable. (But honestly when '24' comes back out I will probably get Cable again for about 4 months).

Mike Riccardi said...

Dan, you do realize that you've just shot the cessationists in the foot, don't you?

;o)

DJP said...

Oh, this one didn't take any supernatural revelation. Just a brain and a memory.

(c;

Carlo said...

An unbeliever friend of mine stop by yesterday. He told me how he saw in the news that there are places in Indiana where some folks were holding up Obama signs and people were making some disparaging offensive remarks against Obama supporters.

I told him a few things. First of all, the media's strategy is to make us feel guilty if we don't elect Sen. Obama. If Sen. Obama is not elected, the media will tell us it's because we are a racist country. Therefore, the media's strategy is to make as many in the electorate feel guilty that if they don't vote for Sen. Obama, then it's because you are racist. (Hence they will show these onclaves in various parts of the country of people who are racist).

So, look for that reporting in the media. I will not vote for Sen. Obama and it has nothing to do with his race. I probably would vote for JC Watts in a heartbeat, but he didn't run. I am not voting for Senator Obama because of his stance on the issues.

eastendjim said...

It has begun.

http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/afp/080605/usa/us_vote

Daryl said...

It sure has...Tuesday night Global TV (a station out of Toronto) ran a story on the role sexism played in Hillary's defeat.

eastendjim said...

daryl,

It's kind of the same with the Leafs. If they win, it's due to the skill, determination and tenacity of the team. If they lose, it's due to bad officiating, injuries, or the unfair schedule.
(o; Go Habs!