Reminder: how the LSM will report the election

In the interests of saving everyone time, so you can spend more time reading the Bible and other profitable and related literature: here's the news for the next 5+ months as the LSM (Lamestream Media) will report it:

NO MATTER WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENS...

1. The GOP will be depicted as a smoking ruin of hopelessly fractured chaos and misery. Look for words like "rising chorus [with a negative]," "dismay," "trying to," "disheartened," "discouraged," "disappointed," "divided," "defensive," "dwindling," and such.
2. If the GOP candidate scores any direct hits, words such as "blasted," "attacked," and "lashed out" will be employed. Any Democratic response will be reported with an air of injured, but vastly superior, dignity — as if Junior had simply thrown a tantrum, suffered an embarrassing seizure, or launched a baffling, unwarranted, and vicious attack.
   
3. If Obama is the Democratic candidate, it will be hinted that the only possible reason for not supporting him is racism.
4. If Hillary! is the Democratic candidate, it will be hinted that the only possible reason for not supporting her is misogyny.
   
5. Many creative ways will be found to suggest that McCain (of whom, I remind you, I am no great fan) is senile, delusional, and dangerous.
   
6. The Democrats will be painted as united, purposeful, calm, in-control, mature, on-the-offense, brilliant, inevitable, and supported by every leader and expert in (and out of) Christendom.
7. The media, in spite of its boasted resourcefulness, will find itself unable to locate any respected experts to laud any GOP candidate proposals, nor criticize the opposition's specifics nor philosophy; but they will have more experts favoring the opposition than the city dump has rats.
   
8. Polls will be created and slanted to show the GOP headed for a huge waterfall.

If Republicans actually win, their success will be cast in suspicious light, the motives (or intelligence) of voters will be impugned — or it will be hinted that the process itself was suspect. It will be lamented that the country clearly has not yet healed itself of racism or misogyny, depending on which candidate the Dems finally anoint.

There. You heard it here, first. Now you have a "time incentive package."

What will you do with it?

UPDATE: oh yes, one more pair:

1. When the Dem candidate speaks, particularly in criticizing his GOP opponent, the LSM will simply report it, without critical analysis
2. When the GOP candidate speaks, its reporting will be embedded in analysis, criticism, and mind-reading. ("In an attempt to still criticism, McCain said...."; "Hoping to raise the crushed spirits of his disheartened supporters, McCain lashed out at ___, saying...."; "McCain claimed _____. Twenty-seven Nobel Peace Prize winning scientists/economists/hairdressers issued a blistering analysis which stated ____"; etc.)