Wednesday, March 02, 2011

Perfect Church Dress

From Sacred Sandwich:

27 comments:

Merrilee Stevenson said...

That just about covers it all. Though my design would also include a pocket for pen and pencil, another for breath mints/cough drops, and an accordian file folder for holding children's Sunday school papers and church bulletins.

And I'm curious as to why this model isn't smiling more. With such a dress to wear on the Lord's day, I think I would have joy written all over my face.

Al said...

With the babies up front you will need a counter balance in the back... perhaps that is where she could put the fried chicken and naner puddin' (I am assuming she is Southern Baptist)

al sounds

David Regier said...

You know there are weaker brothers in your reading audience, don't you? I had to turn my eyes away from such a vision of beauty.

Scooter said...

It will need to come in several models

1)Steel endoskeleton - Cheapest of all models, but will require a battery powered locomotion device underneath to assist in movement. Think R2-D2.

2)Carbon fiber - affordable only for the prosperity folks. Of course, that would eliminate the notepad, Bible, and the hymnbook. Perhaps they could add a padded rear cushion for the slayings that will occur. Or maybe some sort of inverted umbrella system to catch all the gold dust.

3) Since this dress takes up a massive amount of room, the ambitious pastor could use it as launching point for a new building campaign.

4) Where's the iPhone/iPad holder for that tech-savvy Proverbs 31 women?

Tom Chantry said...

Merilee,

What we really need on that dress is a sound-proof chamber in which to unwrap the mints/cough drops - maybe something like a muff, but with hermetically sealed access points at each end.

DJP said...

Maybe also things like Dune's stillsuit, able to recycle body waste products into drinkable water, so that exiting and re-entering the auditorium mid-service is never necessary?

NoLongerBlind said...

Don't forget the retractable gum-chewing Cone of Silence.....


=8^)

DJP said...

N/A

Should be no gum in church, ever; therefore, no sound-problem.

Next!

NoLongerBlind said...

Legalist!

Fred Butler said...

They need to incorporate a baby sling. For those hippie homeschooling families all into organics.

Herding Grasshoppers said...

Hey Merrilee - the mints and coughdrops are in her huge sleeves ;D

Can't tell you how many times I've felt rather like that...

And, uh... what is Dad carrying?

Robert said...

Forget the dress...she'd better have some good shoes for her poor feet after carrying all of that stuff. Of course, for the seeker-sensitive shurches, they could just have a masseuse available in the foyer.

Sonja said...

Being in Seattle, the cupholder is genius! A coffee holster!

Actually, for a mom of twins, she's traveling pretty light. :)

And I really, really like her hat -- seriously like it. I want!

SolaMommy said...

This is great, but it's missing a toddler/preschooler restraint and muzzle.

SolaMommy said...

...and it's missing some kind of spanking aid for when she finds out that her kid was jumping off the furniture during Sunday School.

Not that I know anything about that...(cringing)

Phil (the Doulos) said...

I just checked the Black & Decker site, didn't find this. Must be a pre-release photo.

BTW, I think I saw a homeschooling mom at church last week wearing one of these she made herself. Just sayin...

Sir Aaron said...

I was thinking that it seemed odd that the dress only had one cup holder. I mean I usually let my wife have coffeee too. In this picture she really can only carry her husband's coffee.

Susan said...

I second Julie...what's the Dad carrying??

Unless he's the one who invented the dress. Let him wear that for a day and see how he feels.

Sexist. >:(

And whoa...where's he getting the material for the corset and the crinoline? Whale bones???

That's it. I'm calling PETA. ~ >8(

Wendy said...

Sir Aaron,
First the bacon "alarm clock" and now no coffee for the woman...absolutely hysterical. :)
-----
I think that this is one of those evanjellybean womens who let it all hang out and wear everything on their sleeve in favor of getting in touch with the inner self.
A true Christian woman could fit it all in her purse.

J♥Yce said...

lol, pragmatic styles and parenting skills! My mother sported a small pocketbook while the genteel lady in the pew immediately in front offered a quarter for me to put in the collection plate for my sitting silent and motionless. No leg wiggle or crayon or snack. One didn't want to risk being on the receiving end of "the stern look" or "Pap" when picked up and then back home. child abuse ;-)

J♥Yce said...

such wee toddlers were perfectly-trained babies. No such dress necessary...ankles can show from skirt not being weighed down. Neckline still high. :-)

Sir Aaron said...

@Wendy: True, she could put it all in the purse, but then it would take her half hour to find her keys to drive home.

Tom Chantry said...

And, uh... what is Dad carrying?

An enormous Bible.

David Alves said...

I would click a "like" button for this if there was one to be had. :o)

Susan said...

You mean this Bible, Tom? :)

Sir Aaron said...

Tom's wrong. The man totally has to save his strength to carry his paper plate at the agape potluck after church.

Merrilee Stevenson said...

This thread has been delightfully fun!