Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Unusual (and largely obnoxious) church signs

Most of these signs have three things in common:
  1. They're clever
  2. They're at least mildly humorous
  3. They represent appalling doctrine

Have you seen any really good church signs? It wasn't deep, but I liked one I saw during a summer: "Cool sanctuary, warm fellowship."


Webster Hunt (Parts Man) said...

I pass a church every day that has this on its sign:

Nondenominational worship music, videos, and sermon.

Seems they're trying as hard as they can not to offend anyone.

DJP said...

Which offends you.

Darlene said...

#4. Use misspelled words!

forcast -- forecast

Fred Butler said...

Like the pastor's name on that one sign.
"Elaine Lush, M.Div." Must've been a Fuller grad.

threegirldad said...

On the side of the sign you see while exiting the parking lot:

"You Are Now Entering The Mission Field"

[saw it last spring]

Stan McCullars said...

"If it aint King James it aint Bible"

My son and I changed it to read:
"If it aint Jink Games it aint Bible"

It took them a couple of weeks to notice it had been changed.

Herding Grasshoppers said...

A friend of mine visited a church with a sign that read:

The New Young Sweet Church of God

and then there was a little sign tacked on the end

Where the Holy Spirit Moves.

Apparently the band came up out of the floor as the tambourines came out from under the seats.

Stan McCullars said...

Over the weekend I saw one in Moody, AL which read:
"God is looking for spiritual fruit not religious nuts"

Brad Williams said...

*sigh* Some of those were awful. Whoever is in charge of church signs needs to remember what the sign is for and who they want it to speak to.

My opinion:

First, it isn't for your folks, so don't use inside jokes.

Second, we don't want someone else's unsatisfied sheep, so don't put something 'cute' on there to bring that sort in.

Third, try and imagine someone with real problems reading your sign like: sick child, hurting marriage, death in family. Then, imagine whether or not this little sign could convey whether or not your church was mature enough to actually be able to talk to them about that. If not: DON'T PUT IT ON THE SIGN!!!

(Sorry for the all-caps, but this is a soap box issue for me.)

Blake Shaw said...

Most Offensive: The "Try Jesus..." one. I hate that whole approach to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. We don't try Jesus. We submit to and believe on Him as the Way the Truth and the Life.

Rita Tomassetti said...

well Blake the Bible does say "Taste and See that God is good", but I'm not sure that's what the sign was intending to say.

Here in PA there are tons of signs not just church signs...some are good and some are not that great...but i can't remember any of them right now :P

Tom Chantry said...

Well, I really liked, "Forgive your enemies - it messes with their heads."

Worst sign I've ever seen? "River Hills Church Sucks! - Satan"

And a pastor of mine once recommended this: "The God of the Bible Kills People!" Well, he does!

David Kjos said...

I'm wondering why Bel-Air Assembly of God needs an Italian service. Shouldn't everyone be able to "hear them in our own tongues"?

DJP said...

David Kjos, ladies and gentlemen! David Kjos!

He may not comment often, but when he does, it's always in the ten-ring.

Chris H said...

I might be old school, but I liked the one my pastor recently put up:

You must be born again. -- Jesus

I know it's not "clever" but there was something that struck me when I read the sign. I think one of our guests mentioned it, too.

theinscrutableone said...

A local church that meets in rented quarters puts up a banner Sunday mornings that reads:

Contemporary church for today

Perhaps they're affiliated with the:

Church and Fellowship for Eliminating and Eradicating Repetition and Redundancy



Dorothy said...

I remember one church sign from a few years back.
Some background, though: I live in Canada, land of hockey. To be exact, I live in Edmonton, home of the Oilers, and our number one hockey rival is Calgary (the Flames). One year they were in the Stanley Cup finals.

The church sign: God says to love your enemies. Go Flames Go!

CleanFlea said...

"Sun Worship: 10 AM"
This was recently changed to read:
"Sun. Worship: 10 AM"
A period can make quite a difference

DJP said...

TIO - maybe the pastor's in a tentmaking ministry, and supports himself by his job in the Department of Redundancy Department.

Al said...

During one of our busier hurricane seasons here in the Pensacola area, this was on one of our many Church signs:

"Due to hurricane, revival postponed until next month"

al sends

CleanFlea said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Stefan said...

Mercifully, there are no cutesy messages on our sign, but I've seen my fair share here and there.

I must admit to having liked "God so loved the world that He did not send a committee."

Stefan said...

I haven't seen this on a sign, but how about:

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."

Or is that too forthright and matter-of-factual (i.e., too biblical)?

MJ said...

Our church is dull. We just have service times. However, I've seen several of the signs in this montage gracing the sign of the Assembly of God church I pass when I go...well...anywhere. I have to work hard not to drive off the road laughing.

Tom Chantry said...

I always suspected that these things were recycled, or, rather, that there were books of cutesy sign slogans for churches. Then, when we purchased our building (from a congregation that folded) the box with all the letters for the marquee sign had a book in it - with a few hundred sample sign ideas. I knew it!

Yeah. And then we took down the marquee sign alltogether and put up something nice - with service times.

JG said...

There was that nationwide billboard campaign a few years back: "Boycott Lifechurch" ~ Satan.

Best response I heard was someone asked which publication they were citing Satan from.

But really. Who are you trying to reach with that?

Robert said...

At the Tulsa Bible Church a couple of Easter's ago, they posted a resurrection passage on the sign which read in full:

"He is not here." Matt. 28:6

Somehow I don't think that really conveyed the message they were going for.

theinscrutableone said...

Another church sign I often drive by is one of those digital color thingies with cyclically changing graphics. It looks cheesy enough when it's working correctly, but on several occasions part of the display--often a square one-sixth the size of the full display--goes completely black and stays that way. The blank area is large enough to effectively render most of the intended messages incomplete and thus unreadable. What baffles me is that the church has sometimes left their sign in this five-sixths working state for a solid week or more. As an IT tech support guy I understand that it can take time to get such issues repaired, but why they don't just power the thing off while it's putting out unreadable messages is beyond my feeble understanding.


Rachael Starke said...


Oh my goodness, brother. I was having a really rotten day, and that comment both made me laugh out loud at its unintentional eloquence about all that's wrong with American churches, but all that's right with my soul. Bless you.

Scooter said...

This summer in Colorado I saw, "Get off Facebook and get in my book. - God."

I cringe when I see most church signs. At the same time, I'm curious when they began to be used by the American church.

Meghan Smith said...

I actually like the Moses was a basket case sign. A local church here has it.

One time a church in town had, "What if Jesus came back yesterday and..."
Not only was the theology bad but I got Monty Python jokes going when it ended up on Crummy Church Signs.

Mike Westfall said...

"Try Jesus." Yeah, that's a good one. Because we are supposed to put the Lord our God to the test...

Living with Intention said...

We have a little "Family Faith" church right down the road that has the worst signs I have ever seen. The one that tops the list:

"Jesus invested in you. What is your interest return?"

REALLY?! All the scripture to choose from and you come up with that one of your own... fie. For shame.

Solameanie said...

Signs and wonders, or wondering at the signs?

Tracey Carrin said...

On a Freewill Baptist Church sign in Shreveport LA several years ago:

"God has no plan B"

Um, isn't freewill theology all about plan B?

jazzact13 said...

If I had a quarter for every time I've seen a church sign with a variation on the "What's missing: CH--CH? UR!" message, I'd be a rich man. Or maybe the guy who owns the nearest video game arcade would be a rich man.

Josh Morrison said...

Worst one I ever saw said "Keep taking my name in vain and I'll make traffic worse" -God.

Really? The consequences of blasphemy are longer commutes? That's pretty deep right there. Thankfully, when our chapel got a sign, it was agreed to only put scripture on it.