"The Calviedispiebaptogelical Song" (to the tune "I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major General")

Composed and submitted by Rick Gomez, who comments as Burrito34.

CDBG:
I am what you'd call a Calviedispiebaptogelical,
That tells you where I take a stand on matters theological,
I can exegete from Scripture doctrines that are biblical,
And show that there are seven ages that are dispensational;
I'll demonstrate that Luther's views were altogether Scriptural,
And then demolish arguments that clearly are heretical,
Including those of long ago that were set forth by Arius,
Found today in modern cults that simply are nefarious.

Chorus:
Found today in modern cults that simply are nefarious,
Found today in modern cults that simply are nefarious,
Found today in modern cults that simply are nefari-arious.

CDBG:
I can speak with great detail upon the subject of the Trinity,
And then describe succint-a-ly Christ's hypostatic unity
In short, you now can see on every topic theological
I am what you'd call a Calviedispiebaptogelical

Chorus:
In short, you now can see on every topic theological
He is what you'd call a Calviedispiebaptogelical

CDBG:
I know of Christian stalwarts like the Bishop Athanasius
Of John's two close disciples Polycarp and Saint Ignatius
Conversant with the arguments of Calvin and Arminius,
The fierce debate that raged between Augustine and Pelagius;
I've read from the Panarion composed by Epiphanius,
And works of history that were recorded by Eusebius,
I can tell you of an odd duck who went by the name of Origen,
If you need me to repeat this I'd be happy to begin again

Chorus:
If you need him to repeat this he'd be happy to begin again,
If you need him to repeat this he'd be happy to begin again,
If you need him to repeat this he'd be happy to begin,begin again,

CDBG:
Of books I'd like to own the number is very prodigi-ous
My personal library would fill up a double decker bus,
In short, now you can see on every topic theological
I am what you'd call a Calviedispiebaptogelical

Chorus:
In short, you now can see on every topic theological
He is what you'd call a Calviedispiebaptogelical

CDBG:
And now for the main reasons that I've dived into Theology,
For one thing, to articulate a biblical Christology,
To better share the Gospel with a sinful lost humanity,
To see people accept Christ is what really matters most to me;
And help believers progress toward spiritual maturity,
If God wills I'll be doing this until I hit senility,
And to contend for the true faith as we were thus advised by Jude,
In a loving manner that is never spiteful, mean or rude.

Chorus:
In a loving manner that is never spiteful, mean or rude,
In a loving manner that is never spiteful, mean or rude,
In a loving manner that is never, ever, spiteful, mean or rude,

CDBG:
For the wisdom God has given me I have the utmost gratitude,
and since it was bestowed on me I take a humble attitude,
And so, now you can see on every subject theological,
I am what you'd call a Calviedispiebaptogelical.

Chorus:
And so, now you can see on every subject theological,
He is what you'd call a Calviedispiebaptogelical.