Friday, July 27, 2012

If you could Bart-Simpson certain leaders...

Here, for posterity, is a collection of all of Bart Simpson's opening chalkboard sentences (warning: it is, after all, Bart Simpson; so some are off-color).

This made me think: what if we could make some leading evangelical figures write sentences on a chalkboard, Bart-style? What might those sentences be?
  • It is not all supposed to be about sex, even though that gets me instant TGC publicity
  • Focusing on best-life-now may mean worst-eternity-ever
  • Propping up a false teacher was a bad bad idea, and everyone knows it
  • If holiness has not preceded fame, it probably won't follow it
  • Being the last to admit I screwed up is embarrassing
  • Abortion is not more important than the Gospel
  • Calvinists also believe "whosoever will"
  • Semi-Pelagianism doesn't make me cool
  • Really-really believing in Sola Scriptura doesn't make you a deist
  • I will stop pretending the Gospel doesn't have edges
  • I'll stop blaming God for the porn in my brain
  • People will respect me more if I admit I goofed up
  • Small church pastors can teach me a lot that I need to learn
  • Doubling-down is not a good substitute for repentance
  • Next time I get into a rooftop bed will be after 40 days of rain
  • Instead of trying to make prominent men godly, I will try to make godly men prominent
  • There are other verbs that also mean what "savor" means
  • Actually, turns out I'm the "hater"
  • Giving a big international platform to a guy with a bad mouth maybe isn't the best apprenticeship


Rhology said...

Very nice.

trogdor said...

There's a big problem with this idea - who would make them write on the chalkboard? That would imply that they answer to some kind of authority.

jmb said...

Very good. I'd add: Writing the word "gospel" before a noun doesn't automatically make it about the gospel.

Andrew Lindsey said...

Genuine question: is the "abortion" one aimed at ECT-type thought, or something else?

DJP said...

Primarily that, yes. Cooperation? OK. Cooperation that compromises the Gospel? Well, I do have some questions about that one.