Monday, May 12, 2008

All right, that's just wrong

I exist in Sacramento. Just checked the weather forecast, for this delightful second week of April [correction: May, thanks so much to Staci for the correction < /dripping sarcastovoice >]. Spring, right? Ahh, springtime in Sacramento. The Big Tomato. Should be lovely. Right? Trees, rivers, idiots gamboling everywhere....

One hundred degrees! 1-0-0! Fahrenheit!

How's that sound to you? Sounds nasty to me. Sounds like a Bad Sign.

My first thought is, "There should be a law." The reason that's my first thought is because, when the weather heats up, I always think of the stupidest thing I have ever heard a politician say.

That distinction goes, unsurprisingly, to Al Gore.

This goes back to the dark years of The Nameless One's reign of error in the White House. The Nameless One had a Republican congress. And sometime during that period, in the summer, among the many inane, insane, barking-mad ankle-biting idiotic things that poured out of Al Gore's mouth was something like this:

"It's hot out there — sweltering! People are suffering! And the Republican Congress is doing nothing!"

I blinked. Had I heard him right? Surely not. Oh, but I had.

Now, if you ever entertained any doubts about the viselike grip of liberal braindeadness on the American mainstream media, the fact that Gore survived that remark, unremarked, should have ended all doubt. Imagine a Republican suggesting that the Democrats were morally culpable for not outlawing hot weather.

His next public words would have been, "Would you like fries with that?"

So now every time the weather exceeds optimal temperature (77 degrees), in honor of that eminent sage Al Gore and in the spirit of modern America...

...I blame Congress.


Julie said...

Well, I for one wish you would share some of your warmth with other parts of the country. I live in Minnesota. The lakes in our county had the latest ice out date since 1979. We were still getting snow in the last week of April. Oh, and for Saturday's fishing opener it was not even 40 degrees and it was pouring rain. Some of the areas north of us got snow. I am glad I am not north of us.

And, you are right ~ there should be a law! ;o)

DJP said...

Julie, I promise, when I take my break, I will face northeast, and I will blow.

(For your part, you will please face southwest and do the same.)

When the government won't take action, citizens must.


Staci Eastin said...

April? Did I miss something? Would it help you if you realized that this is May?

Charley said... opener was this weekend in Minnesoooooocold. Unfortunately most of the lakes up north were closed because of ice!!!!

Global Warming??? Bring it on!!!

HomeDiscipling Dad Blog

DJP said...

Oh, fine, Staci! April, May — whatever! Still spring, right?

Gosh! You homeschool moms are such legalists!

Staci Eastin said...

Well, I'm sure your confusion on the month is somehow the fault of congress as well.

DJP said...

Well, yes, Staci, in fact I was government-school-educated.

Which explains a lot.

Colloquist said...

See the mountains to your east? I'm right on the other side of 'em. :::waves::: This just means those 100* are headed for my fair city shortly, unless Congress acts quickly. I'm phoning Sen. Reid (fat load of good that might do).

DJP said...

That's the spirit! It's time for the Dems to deliver on some of those promises!

David said...

If Obama doesn't know how many states there are,I don't think Dan should have to know what month it is.

Kaffinator said...

And just a few miles north in Oregon, from whence I hail, we had both snow and hail after Easter which hasn't happened in perhaps a century.

Sounds like I should have saved a box of white stuff to send your way.

CR said...

The problem Dan is the CO2 emissions. CO2 is now a pollutant - you know the stuff that we exhale. The problem is there are just to many people breathing. You know how more people go out in the summer months. People just need to stay in doors or exhale in a paper bag so we don't put as much CO2.

threegirldad said...

Meanwhile, here in the Central US, we're having day after day of your optimal temperature, which is pretty much unbelievable. We got tired of dealing with that other kind of weather every "spring," so we stole yours while you weren't watching.


Gilbert said...

Oh, fer crying out loud. Dan, Dan, Dan...

Since I think you finally got the month right, let me now assure you this is ONLY happening in California. For those of you east of the Rockies, it's so unseasonably cold in the Midwest, as many of you have noted, that:

Fire hydrants are begging dogs to pee on them, and when they try, their leg gets frozen in the air

You open the freezer, and the house warms up

My shadow is somewhere outside still, frozen to the sidewalk

J.D. Salinger can't even describe it

If you suck on an ice cube, it just gets bigger

Liberals are introducing a 10% "shivering tax"

My heating bill simply reads, "Hey buddy, don't turn around."

Hillary is hugging Barack while they wait for a ride

I bought rolls at the bakery, but froze my buns the moment I left

Al Gore returned his Nobel Prize

Lawyers have their hands in their own pockets, and...

When the Midwesterners heard DJP preach about Hell on a podcast, we all asked, "So, when's the next train?"

candy said...

Rabbit. We must live in the same town since you mentioned, east, mountains, and Sen. Reid.

Dan. We will be up to about 90. I will be thinking of you as I head up to cooler Tahoe area to hike in the lovely, green, snow patches in places, Sierra range.