Thursday, October 21, 2010

Essay: "Republicans Kind of Suck … Which Is Why They Will Win Huge in November"

Our friend Trogdor pointed me to an absolutely delightful essay on why (in the writer's view) the Republicans are about to win huge.

It's so good, Trogdor might have written it himself. (Alter-ego? Nom-de-plume?) If I quoted the clever, laugh-out-loud funny parts, I'd basically be quoting the whole thing. Let's just lift the dialogue where writer Frank J. Fleming sketches out The Story So Far:
AMERICANS: “So, the economy is pretty bad and there’s high employment. You think you can do something about that?”
DEMOCRATS AND OBAMA: “We can spend a trillion dollars we don’t have on pork and stuff.”
AMERICANS: “No … that’s not what we want. We’d really like you not to do that.”
DEMOCRATS: “You’re stupid. We’re doing it anyway.”
AMERICANS: “That’s not going to help us get jobs!”
DEMOCRATS: “Sure it will; millions of them … though they may be invisible. You’ll have to trust us they exist. And guess what else we’ll do: We’ll create a giant new government program to take over health care.”
AMERICANS: “That has nothing to do with jobs!”
DEMOCRATS: “We don’t care about that anymore. We really want a giant new health care program. We’re sure you’ll love it.”
AMERICANS: “Don’t pass that bill. You hear me? Absolutely do not pass that bill.”
DEMOCRATS: “Believe me; you’ll love it. It has … well, I don’t know what exactly is in the bill, but we’re sure it’s great.”
DEMOCRATS: “You’re not the boss of me! We’re doing it anyway!”
AMERICANS: “Look what you did! Now the economy is way worse, we’re even deeper in debt, and we have a bunch of new laws we don’t want!”
DEMOCRATS: “You’re racist.”
AMERICANS: “Wha … How is that racist?”
DEMOCRATS: “Now you’re getting violent! Stop being violent and racist, you ignorant hillbillies! And remember to vote Democrat in November.”
Hooked? You should be! Go read the whole thing.

I will say, though, that I think the current crop of GOP candidates is better than a "barking dog." If folks like Sharron Angle and James West get into Congress, I think we'll see some significant, positive change.

Either way, better than a zombie apocalypse, no?


Alice said...

Brilliant! Thanks for posting:)

Fred Butler said...

Waiting for that one legalist ninny who is going to gripe about the use of the word "suck."

By the way, my kids are homeschooled, so were good with that surviving the zombie apocalypse.

DJP said...

Way to think ahead.

Robert said...

I love that article. I'm anxious to see if there will be any real soul-searching amongst the elected officials after the election cycle is over, although the people of the country will have to get past the complacency that has existed most of my soon-to-be 38 years of life (Yes, I'm just a kid).

My kids aren't homeschooled, but they notice the zombies at school and are always commenting on how they aren't like us. I will say that it has helped keep them focused on prayer (and myself, too).

DJP said...

If and only if there is an absolutely DEVASTATING win by conservative (and thus, necessarily, non-Democrat) candidates across the board:

1. The MSM/Dems will labor hard to paint it as a temper-tantrum by a fickle electorate; but...

2. It will provoke some thought.

donsands said...

Great thoughts, that shows the truth of the matter in Wash. DC.
However, there are millions of Americans who are "good" with Obama, Pelosi, and the rest of these Socialists. In fact, many are socialists themselves.

America seems to me as a 50-50 nation, roughly.

In Maryland it's very, very obvious. We are such a liberal social State, totally looking for the Government to be our daddy.

Politics. I hate it, and yet it's part of life.

James Kubecki said...

Brilliant. I am also a big fan of this classic analysis (still relevant) by P. J. O'Rourke: Why God is a Republican and Santa Clause is a Democrat.

Herding Grasshoppers said...

Oh, LOVE me some P.J. O'Rourke (ahem - guilty pleasure...)

Very, very funny article.

And Fred, your kids, my kids... got your back, yah?

CGrim said...

It's crazy season over here in Kentucky, where the Democrat Senate candidate is - I kid you not - running ads accusing his opponent of not being sufficiently Christian.

Fred Butler said...

A bit off topic:
That dude in the zombie picture with the yellow hat: Brent "DATA" Spiner of STNG?

beachbirdie said...

My kids were homeschooled and are now in zombie institutions of higher learning/recruitment camps. They live among zombies. They are studying zombies and learning to use their own tactics against them...

beachbirdie said...

Oh my gosh, I just found out that it really is "zombie week" at the zombie institution!

Brad Williams said...

Funny stuff there.

I have to admit though, if the election is the kind of landslide that it looks like its going to be, it will have to be because somebody out there is fickle.

That is, somebody voted for these Democrats. And those Democrats seem to be doing exactly what we thought they would do, and pretty much exactly what they promised they would do. So why are those folks who voted them in to do what they are doing not voting for them now?

Reminds me of a gubernatorial election we had in Alabama. The guy ran on the platform of bringing the lottery to Alabama for "education." That was basically his only platform and answer for everything. "The lottery will be awesome!!" Guess what? He won big.

Then the lottery came up on the ballot because it had to be voted in by the citizens. It failed. How weird is that?

Rachael Starke said...

Sorely needed a laugh today.

Got it in spades. Hilarious.

Couldn't help remembering the old Apple campaign slogan....

DJP said...

Brad, I agree. I've said somewhere (here?) that I even have a sort of sympathy for Obama. All these horrible things he's being and doing? Duh! We knew those things about him going in! So where's this shock and horror coming from?

Not the black Obama-voters en masse, and that's concerning.

Some are actually liberals, who don't think he's been radical and horrible enough.

So, while I'll gladly accept it if there's a bona-fide conservative resurgence in Congress, I won't rest easy until I see that Americans really have returned to their roots, with some actual understanding.

Brad Williams said...

I know. Where were all these disgruntled folk when I was pulling my hair going, "What?! Have we lost our MINDS?!?!?!"

The problem with a Republican candidate is that he won't keep his promises. The problem with a Democrat is that he will.

I should copyright that or something.

Robert said...


Do you actually believe that we're going to escape the future of what I like to call the MTV generation? They watch shows about irresponsible, spoiled, rich kids and think that is the life that everybody should have. I guess nowadays they are starting with little kids (age 6-8), while when I was getting out of college in the 90's it was more the high school/college kids. I am sad for what the future holds when this generation grows up and starts voting (and even worse, running for office). I just don't see the people returning to the roots of this country because that involves too much hard work...and zombies don't work!

Lisa said...

I feel so guilty for laughing so hard and posting this on my facebook... Does that make me a legalistic ninny???

Fred... for some reason the little introduction to this post on my FB page used your comment as the intro to this link. :-D

candy said...

It is amazing how they are pulling out all the stops here in NV. The newspaper daily has articles to sway voters towards Harry Reid. Some articles are subtly manipulative and some are blatantly in-your-face. Today, an article is about how Harry Reid was instrumental in selling BLM land down in Clark County in order to fund parts of Lake Tahoe restoration and build hiking areas in Northern NV. Coincidentally No. Nv is a bit more conservative than So. Nv. Reid also has been involved in shady real estate deals so I am sure he will profit from that latest venture. I tell you....I am biting my fingernails this election, as well as repeating to myself that God is sovereign over the election. Day after day, major NV Republicans are endorsing Reid. We even had Wayne Newton come to town to endorse Reid. :)

Rupert said...

As a distant observer, I offer the following thoughts. (I must say in all honesty, much of the world feels embarrassed for you over people like Palin and O'Donnell)

If a significant number of 'tea party' republicans win, they will really be exposed for some of their more 'cringe-worthy' policies and pronouncements. This will lead to obama retaining the presidency and a rout of the GOP in four years time.

It will also open vast opportunities for comedians, cartoonists and satirists, as evinced by Palin and O'Donnell. This may well be the most beneficial contribution they'll actually make to the economy.

Just an observation, tinged with my innate 'liberalism' of course.

Unknown said...

Let me be the first legalist ninny for griping (gently) about the use of the word "suck," but only in the sense that I have had to work *very* hard to (by God's grace) undo my own swearing habit, and I choose (in my better moments) to use words like "stinks", especially in front of my kids, because once you get started using any particular unwholesome word, it's hard to stop.

Having said all that, the original essay was spot on and laugh out loud funny. ;-)

Ann Coulter (and many others) predicted that the country would come to its senses about electing democrats once we found out what they do when they actually have power (see FDR, Johnson, and Carter administrations for further reference). The problem is that the MTV generation has so little background in history, we forget all too quickly.

Aaron said...

I'm with you donsands. It's scary how many people actually agree with liberal progressive policies. Some of it though, is just downright ignorance. Printing money and handing it out sure sounds good to the ignorant. The rest of it is due to complete departure from a moral mooring. After all, abortion, progressive tax codes, etc. are all rooted in moral relativism.

Aaron said...

@Rupert: Much of the world feels embarassed for us because of Palin and O'Donnell? LOL. How much of the world have you been to? You should travel with me sometime. I'd like to show you some refuges of socialism. Some places that are starting to look really good from a retirement perspective.

Rupert said...

Yes they do Sir Aaron, even if you can't see it. I've been to parts of Europe and Asia. I also read journals, newspapers and online media from the UK, Europe and America.

Given that even our 'right wing' politicians would be viewed as screaming commies in America, it's not a stretch to imagine the widespread bewildered head-shaking at some of the statements made by certain elements of your current high-profile candidates. And as for people like Glenn Beck!

I'm well aware of the changes which have taken place and are still in train in various parts of Europe since the wall came down. Yes they are no longer 'socialist' (actually they were more 'radical' than that) but they aren't taking the same social stances as the GOP.

Look at the riots in Greece, France and now the UK. These are indicative of the populace not wanting to head in the direction of the USA.

Americans seem to want their government to stay out of functions such as healthcare, welfare and education. The rest of the world do want their governments delivering these services - they just fight over the best ways to do so. And that is a fundamental difference.

Cathy M. said...

Love this post and the article from which it was condensed.

Also, I hate to agree with a self professed liberal, but I think Rupert is dead-on-it with his first comment... except for the O'Donnell thing. (wha?)

Anonymous said...

It's funny, Charles Krauthammer talks about what's going on in Europe today...from a completely different perspective than Rupert.

I'm with Chucky.

Robert said...


the problem is that in France right now there is a shortage of money to fund all of the social programs. And people are rioting because they are trying to change the reitrement age for pension programs. Once again, people speaking without working out the implications of what they say. "We want health care, retirement, all kinds of holidays and vacation time...we just don't want to pay for it ourselves." Why not? Because nobody can afford it. Not even the entire government of a country.

Aaron said...


In my humble opinion, and based on my experience here, newspapers and periodicals often don't reflect the thoughts and feelings of the population at large.

But I would agree with you about the people in the countries you mentioned (having been to some of them myself), that they want the services you mentioned. They also want these services to be paid for by somebody other than themselves. Since governments don't create, they must take from somebody. Of course the problem becomes is that those somebodys who pay don't want to pay or can't afford to pay any more. So now the government can't provide those services. The rioters remind me of a spoiled child.

My job had me traveling quite a bit to tax havens and financial secrecy countries. Suprisingly, the majority of people there aren't Americans but Europeans and Canadians. You know there one piece of advice "Don't become like Europe."

Also reminds me of this prosecutor who came here from France on some sort of exchange. She literally wept when she had to return.

Houston also sees a fair amount of people from Canada and England whose medical systems wont treat their cancer.

Aaron said...

@Rupert: Next time I go to Australia I'll have to head down your way so we can meet up for a beer.

(I love Australia but man, that is one long flight).

Aaron said...

I do feel sorry of O'Donnell. She got the seperation of church and state right in her debate, but as is the case with most conservatives, she wasn't very good at making her point. When are they going to learn that debate and public speaking are skills that need to be honed? You don't ask your opponent questions during a debate. It makes you look like you don't know and gives your opponent the chance to hit your softball.

Rupert said...

I drink red wine Sir Aaron, but we usually have some Corona in the fridge :-)

There aren't too many countries in the world whose economies are great at the moment whatever their leanings may be.

Except here. Despite our universal health care (which can be supplemented by private health cover for dental, optical, physio etc), strong social welfare system and free education we don't have high unemployment or an outrageous deficit.

Six morning a week I collect the paper from the driveway to read over a few coffees (at least two different flavors every day!). I read The Australian, our only national newspaper (News Ltd - Rupert Murdoch). Of late the outcries over it having an agenda against our 'liberal' Labor govt have been louder than ever.
There have been a number of commentary pieces lately basically saying 'we think its great that the republicans are looking strong, but...'. They then cite some of the statements made by Palin, O'Donnell and others of their ilk. I find the same sentiments in The Spectator (UK).