- Star Wars eps 4-6: "Young boy abducted by old man, falls in love with sister, refuses family business, kills father, dances with little bears."
- Titanic: "Ship hits iceberg, sinks."
- The Great Escape: "Merry band of WWII POWs plan escape from prison. They all get caught." (So true. I was so disappointed in that movie! Title should be, "The Great Escape, And How There Wasn't Any")
- Star Wars III: Revenge of the Sith: "Insufferable child grows up, marries his babysitter, betrays his mentor, gets sliced and diced and a new outfit. Noooooooo!!!"
- The Happening: There wasn't one. Trust me on this.
- The Day the Earth Stood Still: Keanu Reeves on mood-flatteners —preaching. For. Two. Hours. Think about it.
- Shaun of the Dead. Overnight, almost everyone turns into a zombie. Hilarity ensues.
- The Four Seasons. Boring, self-absorbed people talk. That's about it.
- The Sunshine Boys. Two hateful old men act like hateful old men act.
- Lawrence of Arabia. Sand. Lots of it. In slow-motion. Repeat. [That's how I think my dear wife would write it; I actually really like the movie]
- Star Trek: the Motion Picture: Two hours slow motion pan of Enterprise, a few minutes of action, the end. [See previous]
- The Hired Hand. Slowly, a rusty and bent needle penetrates your skull, inches through, exits other side. Credits roll.
- Everyone you cared about in the first movie dies horribly at the start of this sequel, with one exception — and she dies horribly at the end
- Nice man tries to kill himself to save family, so God sends an incompetent angel, who lucks out
- Nasty old man sees four ghosts and turns nice