Famous movies rewritten for Twitter

I don't understand, and plan never to join, Twitter. But THIS is pretty funny.

Some examples:

• Star Wars eps 4-6: "Young boy abducted by old man, falls in love with sister, refuses family business, kills father, dances with little bears."
• Titanic: "Ship hits iceberg, sinks."
• The Great Escape: "Merry band of WWII POWs plan escape from prison. They all get caught." (So true. I was so disappointed in that movie! Title should be, "The Great Escape, And How There Wasn't Any")
• Star Wars III: Revenge of the Sith: "Insufferable child grows up, marries his babysitter, betrays his mentor, gets sliced and diced and a new outfit. Noooooooo!!!"

I wonder whether we can't come up with our own. Here are my efforts:

• The Happening: There wasn't one. Trust me on this.
• The Day the Earth Stood Still: Keanu Reeves on mood-flatteners —preaching. For. Two. Hours. Think about it.
• Shaun of the Dead. Overnight, almost everyone turns into a zombie. Hilarity ensues.
• The Four Seasons. Boring, self-absorbed people talk. That's about it.
• The Sunshine Boys. Two hateful old men act like hateful old men act.
• Lawrence of Arabia. Sand. Lots of it. In slow-motion. Repeat. [That's how I think my dear wife would write it; I actually really like the movie]
• Star Trek: the Motion Picture: Two hours slow motion pan of Enterprise, a few minutes of action, the end. [See previous]
• The Hired Hand. Slowly, a rusty and bent needle penetrates your skull, inches through, exits other side. Credits roll.

I'm sure there are more. You can top these. I'll update if inspiration strikes me later and you don't beat me to it.

UPDATES:

• Everyone you cared about in the first movie dies horribly at the start of this sequel, with one exception — and she dies horribly at the end
• Nice man tries to kill himself to save family, so God sends an incompetent angel, who lucks out
• Nasty old man sees four ghosts and turns nice