Unusual (and largely obnoxious) church signs

Most of these signs have three things in common:

1. They're clever
2. They're at least mildly humorous
3. They represent appalling doctrine

Have you seen any really good church signs? It wasn't deep, but I liked one I saw during a summer: "Cool sanctuary, warm fellowship."

Help for pastors and other public speakers, from...

So brother-pastors, maybe you're still smarting a bit from Sunday. Maybe you felt you had a good message, but delivered it poorly or ineffectively. You just don't feel like you're connecting with your hearers.

Fret no more! Thanks to a tip from reader Yurie Hwang, I can now offer you this...

I think it's, like... hysterical?

Monday music: "Something About You," Level 42; plus a bonus

The 1980s brought a lot of bad music, among which should not be numbered the British jazzy-rocky group Level 42. Formed around 1980, they had a 1985 hit "Something About You." Here's a live 1990 performance:

Bass player Mark King (who should have spit out his gum, but oh well) is a prodigious talent, who brought a whole different "feel" to the bass line. Here, at no extra charge whatever, is a brief clip of the fireworks King had in his case.

Hither and thither 8/26/11

Let the fun begin.

• Hm... don't remember this scene quite this way...

• Love Olive Tree's iPhone OS. They're having a 20% store-wide sale until 8/29. Check it out.
• Here is a story of a hobbit house in Montana at which you can stay the night. The house and grounds sound pretty cool, and the pictures are delightful; but the owner's story is a sad one.
• See now, this news item makes me think David Berkowitz' conversion is real. I recall vividly one murderess who got Christian leaders to try to help her dodge justice for the murders she'd committed. She may very well have been saved, but I felt it un-adorning to her testimony.
• Another change in Obama's military: the Gideons will no longer be allowed to give soldiers free Bibles.  Wellsir, there's a great a terrific victory for... for... for nothing good. (thx John)
• I don't think George Washington would approve.
• Scary thought: there are people who would actually "follow" this Twitter suggestion — which I captured myself and did not make up — ?

• Terrific little terse post on writing (h-t Challies).
• Heritage Action for America, an influential conservative advocacy group, has issued a Congressional Score Card. My senatrices score 0% each, no surprise. My lockstep Dem rep scores higher than that, which is a surprise. 
• My Js will appreciate these weapons made out of paperclips

• My boys have grown up as cat-people, and their encounters with dogs have not been all that positive. But I tell them that a good, well-trained, intelligent dog is a remarkable creature, and does things a cat can't touch. Like this one. Cats are great. But they can't do that.
• Ooh, lookie: a 3D Lego milling machine.
• Another thing to like about Perry: unlike Cain, Huntsman, Johnson and of course Romney, he's signed this Susan B. Anthony list pro-life pledge.
• I know what you're going to say. I really don't have a favorite yet. I have non-favorites. You know the #1 non-favorite. You could probably guess #s 2 and 3 as well.
• But if you need a hint, this headline doesn't break my heart much.
• Hm, I also don't recall just this scene, exactly, from Inception:

• (That cracks me up much more than it should.)
• Fred noticed this Lemonade Freedom Day site. I know you can argue it this way and you can argue it that way, but it seems awfully ridiculous. Did these folks train to be policemen to protect the world from 10-cents-a-cup lemonade?
• Relatedly: you will not believe this. The Feds have raided Gibson Guitars. Why? They may be using illegal wood.
• If that sounds bad, this update sounds worse.
• Uh-oh, I think I just drew an illegal breath. Don't tell on me, 'kay?
• A couple of readers loved this Han Solo in Carbonite ice tray.
• Time out for Ronald Reagan telling a Democrat joke.
• Reader Sterling Hanenkamp found us another dad-positive commercial.
• Cool. Self-assembling Lego Millennium Falcon.

• Not Lego, I think, but an interesting LARGE small-scale kinetic sculpture called Metropolis II by artist Chris Burden, featured in a rather slow, leisurely video courtesy of reader John.
• The NY Times wants to ask GOP candidates a bunch of religious questions. If you find their list for President Obama, let me know.
• I bet we could think some up.
• Did you get rattled by our little earthquake this week? Jules found some survivors of the carnage, determined to keep on keeping on!

• And now, to explain scientifically and once and for all that which should need no explanation, The Proper Way to Load TP, and Why:

• Just sweet. Susan found us pictures and tale of a bride married in a 127-year-old wedding gown.
• Whew. HT's a lot of work. It has me... feeling... feeling kind of ... kind of...

• Plus:

THE USUALS WILL BE OBSERVED

How Harry Potter Should Have Ended

Perhaps you've seen some of the How ___ Should Have Ended videos. They're CGI animations, often pretty funny. Here's the How Harry Potter Should Have Ended.

I guess I have to warn... spoilers, and some CGI violence.

My sermons and talks online

From time to time I get asked whether I have any sermons online. Indeed I do (get asked, and have them).

After answering the last email last week, it seemed like a good idea to put them all together in a post — and, ladies and gentlemen, this is that post!

This post contains lectures in a conference on the Sovereignty of God

Lectures from a conference on Proverbs

Sermons from River City Grace church in Sacramento, CA (search for my name)

Select Dan Phillips as preacher, and this has a bunch of sermons

More sermons here

A "Casino Royale" riff, featuring President 0 and...

Monday music double-header treat: "25 or 6 to 4" and "Make Me Smile," Chicago (1970)

This is a real treat, children, even if JTW and I are the only ones who really groove on it: some very rare footage of the original, vintage Chicago (then still Chicago Transit Authority, I believe)  performing their signature number 25 or 6 to 4.

What does the title mean? Despite theories and speculations, it is simply a song about writing a song. Bobby Lamm looks up at the time. It's about 3:35 or 3:34am... or, to put it another way...

(We say our Josiah was born at "35 or 6 to 4.") (UPDATE: DAOD points out that beloved grandson Timothe was born 37 or 6 to 4... but pm, in this case, not am.)

That gave you a great peek at the late, great guitarist Terry Kath — most underappreciated guitarist, ever — in all his awesomeness. As is the following, which features both Kath's picking and his awesome, one-of-a-kind jackhammer strum:

Hither and thither 8/19/11

This week, a very graphic (not in the Mark Driscoll sense) Hither and Thither. Also, an unusual helping of toilet humor. Again, not in the Mark Driscoll sense.

• Why does this make me think of my beloved grandson Timothe (except in a younger version)?

• My sons J and j sure adore their nephew. They just returned from 3 days with grandson, DAOD and BSIL. I expected them to be ready for relative peace and quiet — but they could not stop bubbling and chuckling and laughing with delight over this and that antic of little Timothe's. He's blessed in his uncles, and they in him.
• My dear wife — and many longsuffering moms — will like this one, which I saw on Laura Kelleher's Facebook, er, wall or whatever.
• Wednesday I had the joy of being on the Janet Mefferd show, to be interviewed about The World-Tilting Gospel. It probably is good I didn't realize how many stations she's on. I did notice she'd had guests like Mark Steyn, Carl Trueman, Michael Rydelnik and Ann Coulter before, so I knew it'd be big-time for me. At any rate, you can listen to the interview, if you like.
• All right. My day's ruined. I was never even as good a drummer as... as... Justin Bieber!
• You know, If you just replace "gay-friendly" with "apostate," this might actually be a useful list for Christian students.
• Obama: "My dog ate the recovery." Well, more or less.
• Relatedly: great news. Obama will be giving us his jobs plan... as soon as he gets back from his latest vacation. 

• The President will fix everything like he always does: by giving a speech.

• All of this is, of course, incredibly tone-deaf, but it does worry me (like most things): is he really that stupid, or does he know for an ontological certitude that he cannot be defeated in 2012? Neither is reassuring.
• BTW: I will issue a non-charismatic prophecy: Obama's plan will grow government and decrease liberty. It will primarily benefit unions and/or government employees. This prediction ain't rocket science. It's all Democrats know how to do.
• Again: Obama marveling at how quiet factories are, and how they employ fewer people, which absolutely no sense of irony. Tone deaf, isolated and clueless, or arrogant. You pick.
• At any rate, Donald Trump sagely observed that the President "takes more vacations than any human being I've ever seen."
• Bringing us finally to a bit of bright, hopeful news: John Podhoretz says that Obama is basically politically doomed in 2012. We can only hope he's right.
• Which leads me to two thoughts:
• First: I really do think this presidential election is the GOP's to lose.
• Second: sadly, I think they're the ones who could do just that.
• Reader John is concerned as to whether we're getting maximum usage of our vehicles:

 

 

• Fred Butler adds another:

• Fred also noted a Florida teacher who was punished for being a Christian out loud in his private time. Mustn't! Bad!
• Update: reader Robert Sakovich found us a lot more detail, and it isn't reassuring for lovers of the First Amendment.
• David Elliott found us a delightful video about an exquisite pair of singing bird pistols.
• Think you can operate a yo-yo? Reader Yurie Hwang says watch this, then answer the question again.
• Challies today seems (by one of his links) to be lamenting how false teaching comes out, and then books follow with reactive prescriptions afterwards. So from this, I gather that Tim would be really excited if a book came out with a strong, accessible, positive presentation of a broad range of Biblical doctrines, which might serve as preventative rather than reactionary medicine. I think he has a point.
• Trouble pronouncing some Bible words when you do the Bible reading in church? No problem! There's an app for that. (thx Ken Lewis)
• Last week, it was "I can't brain." This week, it's...

• Is Governor Perry my dream-candidate?  Well, given that as matters stand (A) Not-Barack-Obama is my dream candidate, and (B) Governor Perry is not Barack Obama, yes, he is my dream candidate in a way. He certainly isn't everything I'd like, and I may or may not vote for him in the primaries; I'm far from decided.
• But if I don't, I want it to be for real reasons. For instance, we know that he's made TX a job-generating dynamo relative to the rest of the nation. But it is countered that that is mostly minimum-wage jobs. Here is a pretty thorough response to that charge.
• Thomas Louw led me to find a series of photos showing some pretty amazing insect engineering. Ain't evolution wonderful?
• Electrified Dog is electrified.

• What? Commercials that don't demean fathers? How'd that happen?
• Worst Idea, Ever? Just might be:

• (That, or a mirror-trick. I'm hoping the latter.)
• Similarly:

• Staying with a sort of theme...
• Planking: you're doing it wrong.

• One more, from Kerry Garrett.

• "Wait — wait-wait-wait-wait! We just got a contract to do a high-end, sexy video to sell what??!"
• (Found that last from a Facebook update of Rachael Starke's)
• Joel Griffith finds Biologos once again giving aid and comfort to the enemies of taking all of the Bible as Jesus took it.
• Well, that's disappointing.

• On that question, by the bye, Denny Burke asks the right question, and gives the right answer: "What’s at stake in this debate? The heart of the gospel, the authority of the Bible, and more. As far as theological debates go, this is not a question of how many angels can dance on the head of a pin. It’s a question of whether or not Christianity has any coherence at all."
• Paula found just the thing for the bacophiliac who has almost everything.
• Which brings to mind this from Ty Cito's Facebook page:

• Also this. (Yes; always practical!)
• Finally: bad dog! Bad...er, ni--- nice doggie! Nice!

• And:

THE USUALS WILL BE OBSERVED

Questions for Doug Wilson

This is a tag-team post with Phil Johnson's terrific essay today at Pyro. Taking on myself to tag-team with Phil has a long and storied history in this blog, pre-dating our partnership at Pyromaniacs. I write assuming that you, Dear Reader, have a familiarity with the issues Phil takes up in that posts, also expanded on in its linked posts.

Necessary background

In center stage we have falsely-named "continuationism" as represented by Mark Driscoll. In the talks recently discussed at Pyromaniacs, Driscoll positions himself thus:

1. He has special powers beyond those of mortal man.
2. These powers are the continued gifts of the Spirit discussed in the New Testament.
3. One of those powers is that he has X-rated movies of his parishioners playing in his head.
4. They're not 100% accurate.
5. Yet, when challenged as to how he knows these things, he says "Jesus told me" — which is to claim that Jesus is saying things directly to Mark Driscoll that He is saying to no one else.
6. Anyone who denies Driscoll's powers is a materialist, and a borderline atheist — or at least a Deist.

Now, Frank called Driscoll on part of this well and fairly, and Phil flatly called Reformed leaders out for giving cover to such malpractice by coddling "continuationism."

In response to Phil, commenter after commenter thoughtfully showed up and proved his point over and over again. I never cease to marvel at the apparent complete lack of self-awareness among such commenters.

But I do marvel at Douglas Wilson adding his name to their number.

In his characteristically wittily and well-written post, Wilson says many wonderful things, in order to say a really bad thing. Wilson has this C. S. Lewis-like ability to phrase things so well that, once he's said them, it's over, he just can't be topped. I love this phrase: Wilson speaks of "a Christian culture where lots of people think that the revelatory gifts are still operating on all eight cylindars [sic] and yet (mysteriously) without the Bible growing in size." Phil and I have been saying that same thing, but Doug Wilson here says it wonderfully well. And Wilson expresses concern over the resultant "ethos" that "continuationism" has created.

Yet...

Yet Pastor Wilson is hosting this man, Mark Driscoll, who not only fosters that "ethos," but (A) does so in pastorally alarming ways, and (B) says anyone who doesn't agree with him on those specific claims is a "materialist." You know, like Owen and Augustine and the Hodges and Machen. Materialists, every one of 'em.

In the meta to Phil's post, commenters and I again and again drew out the practical, pastoral implications of Driscoll's claims. We imagined the aftermath of anyone taking seriously Driscoll's claims to Spirit-given supernatural powers beyond those of mortal man — as Driscoll demands that we take them seriously. We imagined scenes like this, which are necessary results of Driscoll's claims:

Woman: Grandpa, did you sexually molest me when I was a little girl?
Grandpa: What?! No!
Woman: OK. Pastor Driscoll says he saw you do it in a movie Jesus told the Holy Spirit to run in his head. But he also says he's not always right. So, never mind.

Or picture this conversation:

Man: Pastor Mark, I'm having a terrible spiritual struggle. I just have these vivid pictures of naked women in my head, sexual imagery, sexual scenes.

Driscoll: Oh, I have that too, but it's a gift from the Holy Spirit. Are you sure it isn't God showing you something?

Man: Um... I... um, I've never thought of it that way... in fact, I never thought of thinking of it that way... but if that's what my pastor says...

The questions

So here are my specific questions for Pastor Wilson. I don't ask them pugnaciously. The answers aren't all simple, though I think some should be. What troubles me in his post is that Wilson side-steps them; so I bring them up for consideration.

1. What do you make of a pastor saying the Holy Spirit ran X-rated movies in his head by direct revelation from the hand of God? 
2. What do you think of a pastor telling a furious, abusive husband "Jesus told me," referring to a hunch he had about the husband's abuse, then leaving them to sort it out? 
3. Are you saying that these occurrences are examples of your "strange things happen" rationale, as set out in your recent post? 
4. Do you take any responsibility for the certain fact that "continuationists" like Driscoll will use your argument as "cover" for what they do? 
5. Do you see that that was Phil's point? 
6. Are Calvin, Spurgeon, Warfield and you materialists and borderline deists? 
7. Would you ever, ever ordain a man who did or said any of these things even once, and did not repent and show fruits of repentance for some time afterwards? 
8. What do you think about the clear and intended implications of this position, that preaching the whole Word of God is not sufficient for the salvation and sanctification of believers?
9. Should you extend the mantle of respectable leadership to such a man? 
10. Do you think no one has yet tried to persuade Mark Driscoll to leave off his troubling practices before? 
11. Will you have powers of persuasion far beyond those of mortal man?

Final clarification: do I think leaders are always responsible for every error of everyone with whom they associate themselves? In no way. Were that true, no one could associate with anyone. I would barely  associate with myself.

But isn't it apparent that this is not isolated, inconsequential, minor? This isn't something that some people allege Driscoll said or did 30, 20, 10, or even 5 years ago, and then either repented of or never repeated or never talks about as a central. It's something he insists on as an important, defining issue; everyone who doesn't agree with him are materialists, Deists, almost atheists.

It doesn't seem to me that Driscoll has left the option of chuckling, grinning, and shrugging off his actions as "Oh, that Mark, he's such a kidder!"

Guest reviewer: eight-year-old Michael S. Dickey reviews The World-Tilting Gospel

When one is in the stage of "selling" a book to a prospective publisher, one of the questions they ask is "What is this book's audience? Who would read it?" Prospective authors have to come up with intelligible answers.

In my submission to Kregel, back in January of 2010, I wrote that the book "speaks to Christians of all walks in life, from late teens [NB] and up. Pastors will use it, and give or recommend it to church officers and members. The format of headings and subheadings, plus the wealth of Bible-references, are designed for use in study-groups or discipleship classes for a wide age-range, as well as in individual reading." Now, of course, this reflected my intent and expectation. I didn't do a test-audience on it (as I later did do with God's Wisdom in Proverbs).

So when folks later read it, of course I was grateful and encouraged to have a brother like John MacArthur commend it, and it was delightful to have PhDs like Ligon Duncan and Jim Hamilton join in, as well as the rest. And while I watch for reviews, it has been terrifically encouraging for all sorts of folks (moms, dads, pastors, students, and so on) to report finding the book a blessing and a help.

But, friends and neighbors, brothers and sisters, you are about to read one that pasted a grin on my face that has not gone away, and won't for a good while. It was completely unexpected, and I frankly would not have guessed nor even hoped that the reach of the book would go this far.

It is from eight-year old Michael Dickey, the son of Mike Dickey who comments under the screen name VcdeChagn. He actually finished the book before his dad, and did a book report on it, which he wanted his dad to share with me. I have Mike's permission to share it with you — and I think you'll be glad of it.

Now young Michael is clearly, as his dad said, a "voracious reader," so I wouldn't necessarily recommend that Kregel do a campaign to offer the book to the single-digit set, and we parents shouldn't look too askance at our kids who might not be up to Michael's reading level. But he's a remarkable young gent, and it's my delight to share his review (book report) with you, as one of the very, very few guest-writers at this blog:

---

Transcribed (as-is):

The World-Tilting Gospel

by Michael S. Dickey

1. Dan Philips wrote the book as a sort of every day helper. Dan gave four points in the introduction that divides true Christians from the bad Christians. Reference for parable is Matthew 13:3-9. Take the book anywhere you can evangelize, even your church. Don't forget to hang on tight.
2. Dan writes in Chapter 1 about who comes first God or us. Dan gives three beautiful examples of false beleivers. Dan also gives us an illustration to give in to Christ. He tells us what we need: a Whole-Bible view. Read more to find more.
3. Dan deals with two towering truths in chapters 7+8. These two truths are how God deals with our bad record and our bad nature. In chapter 7 he gives a fiery example of repentance. Eventually you will reach the point where you are a world tilter unless you are not preordained. So our conclusion is that means pass the towering truths and you are a buster. (Margin: special effects by me)
4. Dan surprised us with a few more "bullets" in the after word. He gives us a "Mystery passage" which sums up the whole book. That Mystery passage is I Corinthians 15:1-11 if you wish to look it up. his conclusion = there are two types of Christians. Read it to find even more.
5. I think he gave us a good book worth reading. Thank you Dan for a good book. I recommend this book widely. Take it where ever you go. I think Dan is a good writer.

---

That's it. My day's made. Thanks Mike, and thanks, Michael. I think you are a good writer, too.