Friday, December 28, 2012

Pastoral tombstones

Someone started a hash-tag on Twitter called #pastoraltombstones.

If you don't follow me, you may have missed mine own contributions. To wit:

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Here lie the moldering ashes of Bob,
Who dressed like a model but preached like a slob

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He died as he lived with his right pinkie raised
So gentle and kindly — he lived to be praised;
but now life is done, and God's judgment he'll face
Not liking the price of the crowd's fond embrace

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Lament ye the passing of good Pastor Jim,
Whose el'phant was fat, though his judgment was slim

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Aye, farewell Johnny, your kind comes but once;
I'm sure we'll all miss your grand textual hunts

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His children will miss him
and so will his flock
For Howard has preached
his last churchly crock

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Pastor Smithers, a man of considerable charm
Lies dead now, ne'er more to do doctrinal harm

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He preached and exhorted and gestured and waved,
But under this Rev'rend not one soul was saved

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Old Jim he was nuanced and helpful and deep
So dainty he ne'er slowed the doctrinal creep

**********   **********   **********   **********   **********   


2 comments:

Sonja said...

Are we allowed to contribute? If so, here goes:

Here lies a man who saw things in his head,
Casting visions to the flock he led.
Attributed the visions to divine revelation,
Boasting about it to a new generation,
And in between the worship band's drumming,
His untimely demise, he should have seen coming.

Gregg Metcalf said...

I have already written my tombstone commentary:

A friend, a father, a husband for a time
Now he has come to the end of the line
Our gracious God was merely a lender
So, please, return him to sender