Monday Music — La máquina de escribir X2

Julie Garrett pointed me to this happy little piece:

Watching that, in turn, led me to an earlier and more famous version by Jerry Lewis from the movie "Who's Minding the Store?" You yowwens may not know that name. Jerry Lewis was the Jim Carrey of the '50s and '60s.  Here goes:

If you could Bart-Simpson certain leaders...

Here, for posterity, is a collection of all of Bart Simpson's opening chalkboard sentences (warning: it is, after all, Bart Simpson; so some are off-color).

This made me think: what if we could make some leading evangelical figures write sentences on a chalkboard, Bart-style? What might those sentences be?

• It is not all supposed to be about sex, even though that gets me instant TGC publicity
• Focusing on best-life-now may mean worst-eternity-ever
• Propping up a false teacher was a bad bad idea, and everyone knows it
• If holiness has not preceded fame, it probably won't follow it
• Being the last to admit I screwed up is embarrassing
• Abortion is not more important than the Gospel
• Calvinists also believe "whosoever will"
• Semi-Pelagianism doesn't make me cool
• Really-really believing in Sola Scriptura doesn't make you a deist
• I will stop pretending the Gospel doesn't have edges
• I'll stop blaming God for the porn in my brain
• People will respect me more if I admit I goofed up
• Small church pastors can teach me a lot that I need to learn
• Doubling-down is not a good substitute for repentance
• Next time I get into a rooftop bed will be after 40 days of rain
• Instead of trying to make prominent men godly, I will try to make godly men prominent
• There are other verbs that also mean what "savor" means
• Actually, turns out I'm the "hater"
• Giving a big international platform to a guy with a bad mouth maybe isn't the best apprenticeship

Monday music - The Cars' "Just What I Needed", covered by Punch Brothers

Sorry about the commercial, and it takes too long to get to the actual song (about 1:19)... but it's pretty much worth the wait.

Hither and Thither 7/20/2012

Howdy howdy, friends and neighbors. I do believe I've cooked up a nice little collection for y'all.

• News-reading: it may be more dangerous than it looks.

• Book update. The Proverbs book understandably didn't have a massive PR push, and it's quite a slower read than TWTG, so reviews have not been as fast in coming as an author might hope. But they do trickle out, and this one from Pastor Chris Anderson, a man I like and admire (and owe, forever, for his help with TWTG) put out a very encouraging and kind preliminary review.
• We've had some very impressive storms come through. The boys and I had the greatest time Monday on the back porch, watching more lightning than I saw in 23 years of living in Sacramento. Some of the lightning was so close that it was like the (always-wrong!) movie lightning, as Josiah observed: flash-bang! all at once.

• What's odd is how one little brief storm blew out the power a few weeks ago, but all these hammering storms recently have not. Not complaining! Just don't get it.
• Maybe we need one of these though.
• My neighbor Voddie Baucham has produced a brilliant, articulate, bare-knuckled article titled Gay Is Not the New Black. (thx Robert Sakovich) There are a number of "money-quotes." Here's one, speaking of a legal ruling:

this is asinine logic. For example, following this line of reasoning, one could argue, "I have the right to join the military, but I am a pacifist. Therefore, I don't really have the right (since it would be repulsive to me). Therefore, we need to establish a pacifist branch of the military so that I can fulfill both my desire to join, and my desire not to fight."

• You think you're serious about the cheese on your cheeseburger?

• Mm-mm! Bacon bowl! (Developing a tip from Steve Hills)

• That sound you hear on the stairs? It might not be nothing. 
• File the previous entry under Coming Robot Overlords Update, btw.
• And this as well: good to know that Our Coming Robot Overlords will be keeping us safe and secure.
• Ironic reflection: maybe close to 100% of those behind that movie don't see that President Obama and his ideology is right in line with what they're parodying.
• You know, actually, sometimes... standing is a lot of work.

• Even the price of yelling at bums is going up.
• I Never Liked Target All That Much Update: now they're selling "gay" "wedding" cards. Yeppers. Why? "'Target is focused on diversity and inclusivity,' spokesperson for Target Molly Snyder said, adding that they offer wedding cards relevant for everyone,'” including lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender couples."
• Well, since we're being all diverse and everything, will they sell "You're Not Really Married, And Let Me Tell You About Jesus" cards? I'll let you know.
• In the meanwhile, breathe. No breath-holding.
• And then there is beloved Chick-fil-A, who swims cheerfully against the tide on that issue. (thx Chris Carney)
• This would totally work in Houston:

• The inimitable Frank Turk pointed me to an absolutely wonderful musical musing on a familiar theme. (DAOD and BSIL should especially love it, as well.)
• An extreme Star Wars fan provides yet another Gee Mom, Why Can't I Get a Job? update.
• Mark Snoeberger has a good, concise, pointed thought-piece about the theology of healthcare. Seriously, read it.
• A deft, clever A-Z list of theological jargon (h-t Trevin) Doesn't mean I agree with all of it, of course.
• Pretty funny story about the Smithsonian using a resource from the much-despised Creation Museum.
• Cool: the Reformation... in Legos!
• What's more — Lego Colosseum!
• Even more — half-size Rolls Royce Trent 1000 replica! (thx Dwayne Warren)
• Best Romney ad, ever.
• ...and it's from the Obama campaign! Thanks, Mr. President!
• Obama's deathless "you didn't build that" line gave birth to some very appropriate merriment. (thx Jay Camp)

• Romney has jumped on it. Right on.

• Dave Cavanaugh examines some Obamaniacs' efforts to save the President from himself.
• You didn't build this, either.

• Plus, in a more pious tone:

• Right now, there's a very funny hash-tag on Twitter titled #ObamaKidsBooks. Some of the titles: 

How the Grinch Subsidized The Non-Denominational Winter Solstice
Twinkle Twinkle little Czar
Heather Has Two Mommies Without Jobs
The Little Engine That Couldn't Without Federal Assistance
Little Section 8 House on the Prairie
Diary of Wimpy President
Solynderella
Charlie & The Shuttered Chocolate Factory
Twas The Night Before Stimulus
The Taxing Tree
My Little Crony
Oh, The Debt You'll Owe!
Green Jobs and Scams
Fast and Furious George
Harry Potter and the Death Panels
Alexander & the Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Obama Presidency
— and, finally—
Goodnight, Future

• Julie Garrett sent me a funny, in the person of someone whose tax return the IRS supposedly rejected because it didn't accept this answer to "list your dependents": 12 million illegal immigrants; 3 million crack heads; 42 million unemployed people on food stamps, 2 million people in over 243 prisons; Half of Mexico; 535 persons in the U.S. House and Senate; and 1 useless President."
• BTW, I think one of the Obama-team failed themes has been to try to get Romney to release tax statement #479 or something. Well, there are a few things Mr. Obama hasn't released, we shouldn't forget.
• But don't take Obama out of context. (BTW, when I'm doing this link, there is nothing out of color on that site. I only say that because I know how The Intarwebs are.)
• Well, the BSA remains sane. At present. But they had to deliberate it over, first. Mustn't be hasty. I mean, after all, maybe it's a great idea to allow folks pursuing sexual perversion to lead groups of young boys into the wilderness! You know, if you forget the Bible and all that.
• Perfect food? A 100% ground bacon patty. (thx Matt Olmstead)




• And for dessert?

• Dang, I am so hungry right now.
• And to wash it down? (thx Anthony Forsyth)

• No.
• And yes, please (Randy Talley):

• Okay, this is pretty wonderful. Who knew that Joss Whedon, in addition to script-doctoring and creating terrific TV and smash movies, was a genuine action hero... sort of? Check out this Written By a Kid feature titled Scary Smash. You'll love it.
• So... a guy joins a really strange cult, marries a few times, has a kid, names her "Suri"... and says  he wants her life to be "as normal as possible." Yeah, well. Clearly.
• Finally: bad cobra! Bad!

• (I can see a new expression being born: "Dude, you really slapped the cobra on that one.")
• And...

THE USUALS WILL BE OBSERVED

I propose a write-in campaign

First, read this post in full. If you don't want to, have a nice day. If you do, I'll wait right here.

Done? (Commenters will be required to give evidence that they've read the other post.)

On the basis of that post, I propose a write-in campaign for the coming presidential election.

Take the candidate you wish had a chance to win, and write in his or her name — on the back of your non-writing hand.

Then use that hand to hold your nose and, with the other hand, vote for the only candidate who can beat Obama.

Which, sad to say, is Mitt Romney.

That way, you can make a statement and a rational, adult, responsible and positive difference, at the same time.

You're welcome.

Monday music - "I'm Farming and I Grow It," The Peterson Farm Bros

(Thanks, Sterling Hanencamp)

Monday music - "Superstition," Stevies Wonder and Ray Vaughn

First, Stevie Wonder layin' it down with guitar monster Jeff Beck:

But Beck wasn't the only guitar legend to fancy up Wonder's little dittie. Before him, there was the late, great Stevie Ray Vaughn - and others joining in:

Charles Addams provides a sermon illustration: Can't you get along with anybody?

Since seeing it many decades ago in a collection of Charles Addams' work, I have thought of this cartoon again and again. I have alluded to it, used it, and finally found it again here. It's funny, and makes a point, and can work as an illustration for a dozen sermons:

I'm sure all of you could provide possible applications. The obvious application is just to a disagreeable, unfriendly, ungracious person.

I more think of it in relation to the person who imagines (and it is just that) that he can't find a local church to commit himself to. Because this one is too small, and that one is too large; in this one, the music is too modern, in that it is too traditional; in this one the people are too cliquish, in that one they're too intrusive; this one is a degree off of true on this doctrine, while that one is off on that doctrine. Sermons too long here, too short there; too deep here, too shallow there. And even when it's just right, it's not just-just right.

So, you see, I have a note from God making it okay for me to sin.

But just me.

Hither and thither 7/6/12

Wow. It's already been two weeks? Hokey smokes. Well, I'm in the bind of having a truckload to do, and still not being a terrific time manager. But here's what I have, and look for updates up to noon TX time as per usual. Maybe lots!

• The weather here in Houston can be so extreme and upredictable. Just a few days ago, it was raining Daleks!

• Biblical Christianity blog: bringing you vitally-important information since 2004. Now you can find out how many Lego bricks it would take to build your house.
• You're welcome.
• Evidently one bite from a tick can make you completely lose your mind. As I see it, anyway.
• Absolutely the patheticest article title, ever?
• By contrast: my governor said this: " just because you share a different view or you are flexible on the issue, does not mean that God has changed his mind about it."
• Sorry about yours.  /c:
• Mercy, this just makes my heart heavy. Here is a group of black pastors who say they've been proud of President Obama, supportive, everything's great...until he threw his support behind "gay" "marriage." Now he's in trouble... until he meets with them to hear them talk! Just meets! No demands for change. Just. Do. Not. Get. It.
• It's a comment on President Obama that he won't even do that. Perhaps he's that sure of their ultimate support? I can kind of see that as a possibility, when other conservative, sane, Biblical black leaders have told Obama that they are so "disappointed" in him that they — what? Will work energetically to get Romney elected? Nope. "Won't vote at all." As I've often said, that's Obama's second choice. I would imagine Obama's hierarchy of preference as: first, vote for me; second, don't vote at all; third, vote for some empty-gesture candidate.
• Now an update from the Unmarketable Skill Dept:

• Lynn Arthur found us a really strange Groupon offer. Sweet dreams! Ew.
• Its remarkable how Scott Adams keeps Dilbert fresh and clever after so long. I'm sure its unintentional, but today's strip has applications in business, church, marriage...

• Gary Benfold, one of our friends from across the pond, notes groups that got in trouble for using the 1984 NIV. Because it's too conservative.
• Oh merciful flying quahogs, not Cheerios too? (Thanks bunches, DAOD.)
• So, another week, another celebrity announces that he is so messed-up that he doesn't even get what being a "man" means — and, of course, he's "proud." Of...? "Proud" is an interesting word, isn't it? Is there a good way to use it, a way that doesn't indicate that you are yourself indulging in the sin of pride? I have to say I wince when I tell my Js and my DAOD that I am "proud" of them, because it feels as if I'm congratulating myself on something, when my one and only intent is to encourage and affirm them. Can you even say you're "proud" of something you are or have done, without falling into that sin? Doesn't 1 Cor. 4:7 come into play? But then, to take that word, and apply it to a soul-destroying perversion... wow.
• And this one's for the Church Curmudgeon:

• One of my favorite hymns was first called "The Advocate," but is better known by the title "Before the throne of God above." James Church brings some good thoughts on hymns, and on that hymn.
• Perfect food? A BLT... on cookies!

• Well, June was a very good month for the Romney campaign. I'm sure the SC decision on Obamacare will also provide a boost. Now the question is: can Romney capitalize on it, or is he too compromised by (A) crafting and (B) defending Romneycare?
• Just to remind you, there's only one thing I absolutely love about Romney: he's not Obama.
• I leave you on an educational note: this is how a key works.

• Leaving these to ponder:

THE USUALS WILL BE OBSERVED

"It's a Hebrew Blitz" (to the tune of "Puttin' On the Ritz")

Given yesterday's Monday Music, I thought I might share this, er, classic.

When I taught classes in Beginning and Advanced Hebrew at Talbot Theological Seminary in the early eighties, a friend and I cobbled together a joke-song, to the tune of "Puttin' On the Ritz."

And it went something... like... this:

If you you're blue
'Cause you don't know about Hebrew
Why don't you go where Phillips sits?
It's a Hebrew blitz!

Why should you
Have to settle for translations
When you can read the Holy Writ
Just as God wrote it?

Now you can go learn Hebrew
On Biola Avenue
Preach the Word without a care
Wave your Torah in the air!

Wake up! no time for resting!
Vocab! and lots of testing!
Drop down on your knees
Pray you don't get a "D."

If you you're blue
'Cause you don't know about Hebrew
Why don't you go where Phillips sits?
It's a Hebrew blitz!

Monday music - "Puttin' on the Ritz" X 2

First, April Halstead thinks we could all use a little Fred Astaire. Since we like to change it up at MM, after last week's (and upcoming) rock and roll, I agree:

...which reminds me of a scene from a movie I don't recommend — Dr. Frankenstein and the eponymous monster, dancing, from "Young Frankenstein":